Argentine BBQ is shit

Sometimes when people hear that I am wintering the European cold season down here in South America, they get all excited about the BBQ. Argentina is famous for BBQ, they declare, and insist I eat the shit everyday because I’m never gonna have easy access to such delicious meat again….like it’s the most important thing in the world. For real, everybody loses their fucking minds over Argentine BBQ.

Truth is…it’s shit.

Yup, I ain’t afraid to say it. This weekend solidified it for me. Argentine BBQ is pure shit. My mama back home in Cali cooks up way meaner steak on the backyard Weber. 

To start with they chop the carcass weird. Every piece of meat has at least 50% fat on it. So when you put a piece in your mouth you have to chew and chew for days. Once you’ve reduced the mass down to pure gristle you can either swallow the lump, which is fucking gross, or do the little move where you spit it into the napkin, which is the route I take. But it’s equally nasty because then you’ve got napkins full of fat all over the table. And it’s not just the cheap meat. I ordered a nice cut last week and the shit was almost uneatable because of all the fat on it.

Second, they cook the shit to a crisp so it is hard and dry and sinewy. You can hardly chew it, even when you do manage to get a piece without an inch of fat on it. And to boot, THEY USE NO SPICES!! Yup, you heard it here first, these people just chew on the meat without any salt, pepper, ketchup, nothing. Can a brutha get some A1 up in this bitch!!! It’s seriously the worst shit ever.

In contrast you can go into any steakhouse in America and order up a steak and the thing will be delicious. It will be tender, full of flavor, lean, and juicy; hands down a  million times better than what they have down here.

I think to be honest, that the reputation started because in comparison to the rest of the world, the BBQ here is probably pretty good. I mean aside from Bratwurst they don’t really have BBQ in Germany or any of the other placers I’ve been in the last year. So in comparison to no BBQ, Argentine BBQ seems delicious. But what this really shows is that is that Americans are truly spoiled in the quality of life we have in our cities. Shit, any US city has world class food on every corner. Sushi, Chinese, Indian, steaks, seafood…we got it all. 

So I gues what I’m trying to say is enjoy the food at home all you folks reading this from the States. You have it great!!! I’m not planning on coming home for a few more years, but if there’s anything that might get me home, it’s the great food we have in Cali…and to visit my dog…and my parents too I guess…:)