The Awk

For the most part living in the US allows you to avoid the socially awkward moments that occasionally spring up. People are chill and relaxed and friendly and the social mores are relatively simple to understand. Americans are awkward-adverse, which is cool. This is how society flourishes, I’ve decided.

But over here, I have minimum 2-3 socially awkward situations a day and it always comes from the same fucking thing.

THE GOD DAMNED EURO CHEEK KISSING!!!!

I can’t figure it out for the life of me. Over here, when people meet, they sometimes do a kiss on the cheek, sometimes they don’t, sometimes kiss once, sometimes twice, and sometimes a handshake suffices. Now, I’m talking guy/girl hello’s. Europe isn’t into the Middle Eastern shit where you kiss your best friends armpits whenever you drop by. But because of the vast differences between the people over here; West Germans, GDR’s, Spaniards, Italians, Aussies, Kiwi’s, American Expats; the whole situation is fucked up and I never know what to do. Everytime I say hello to a girl acquaintance I have to rack my brain for how I handle this particular person and whether I should go in for the cheek, or not. Then, when I’m in there; I never know if I should do the double or just one. So you literally have to try and remember where you are with each person. And on more than one occasion, I’ve gone in when I shouldn’t have, done the double on mistake, or for sure, left someone feeling unloved and abandoned because I stood on the other side of the group and just waved hello.

It’s seriously the most awkward shit in the world. They should standardize it, like the Euro.